24

I’m 24 years old and I still live with my adorable family. It’s terrible. The very obvious reason for this is that I live in the Philippines. In The Philippines where it’s not even funny if a 30 year old adult male still lives with the parents. Pinoys do not find movies like Stepbrothers funny. 

I pulled a stunt last September. I very prematurely moved out. I had zero savings and zero prospects. I have a job that pays okay but it’s not enough. I was also (excuse me for the corniness of the phrase) an emotionally unstable boy. By ‘emotionally unstable’, I mean I get sad very fast and all the beer I consumed did Not do shit. 

I moved in with free-spirited, very humorous yuppie types. We were three guys in a single-bedroom Makati condo situated in Dela Rosa corner Skank. I liked the guys sufficiently but it gets a little problematic when you live in Dela Rosa corner Skank, highlight Skank. But more than the skankiness of the situation, it was the lack of funds that brought me back “Home”. I was broke and unhappy when I moved out so it was obviously an ugly move. A very ugly and embarrassing move from an amateur decision-maker.

I think of that event as an experience that’s very much worth the 15k I paid. The 15k which I could have spent on my dentures because I have an ugly set.

Needless to say, I got smart. It’s still not so good at home but I’ll try not to unleash my inner Jack Torrance while I’m still residing at “Home”. Pero mababaw pa ren ako. Di ako magmo-move out hangga’t wala ng mga ‘to sa bago kong place: 

• TV
• Stereo
• Coffee-maker
• Washing machine
• AC

This is just minimum. But anyway.

All you need to know about my adorable family is that it’s a hugely retarded and motherless family. I’d provide background and describe in excruciating detail the retardation of each and every single member but I might feel guilty later on. I might. But know this: It’s a hugely retarded and motherless family. So I grabbed the very first opportunity to get the hell out.

But I have to move out. And I’ll move out, I just need the timing to be super perfect. I’d also have to make sure I avoid corporate cruelty casualty. I don’t love my job and I don’t think I’d ever love a job because it’s work and work in whatever form can never be that lovable. But I like it enough to want to keep it. If I lose it, I will have to migrate to Nueva Ecija. Still in Luzon, still in The Philippines but I would at least be hundreds of miles away from my family which, you know, I just love.